Monday, October 29, 2007

The sure fire way to get rid of ghosts.

It’s Halloween again; time to dope up little kids on sugar. Why not start the diabetes young? Has eating a few pounds of candy corn ever hurt anyone? (The answer is yes)

It’s also time for ghost stories and for haunted houses. Personally, I am a big fan of haunted houses and ghost stories. Give me a story about a legless axe murder around a camp fire any night. But that is all they are amusement and stories, and nothing more.

However, some people believe in real haunted houses. On CNN’s website, it gives helpful hints on what to do if you house is haunted. The first and most important, is that if you hear weird sounds, look for natural causes first. Then the advice goes down hill from there. "Get ghost hunter to investigate," but " Avoid those who dabble in magic or offer 'magical cleansing'" Also get a reliable "either a professional medium, psychic, or someone who is sensitive to spirits." The word oxymoron pops into mind. Although, it could be ghosts putting those thoughts into my mind.

But CNN does not go far enough with the advise. What can you do for those really tricky ghosts . Since physics are phony, mediums are mediocre and ghost hunters are delusional, there is only one time tested method of getting rid of unwanted ghosts. You simply need to burn the house down. The house can not be haunted if it isn’t a house anymore. Has anyone heard of a haunted pile of ash? No more unexplained creaking sounds. No more cold drafts. Can a physic enter the basement and tell you that a horrible murder has taken place, if there is no basement? Of course not.

Yes, while the Ghost busters could bust a ghost even if they tired, a little be of gasoline and a match while cure any house of its hauntings.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Logic and Atheism

I've read and seen in a few places the following statement. Naturalist believe in only things that the can touched, seen or smelt. Logic can not be touch seen or smelt, therefor naturalist can not use logic.

What a load of crap. First of all logic is based on real world observations. Whether it is used to study arguments and states or the foundation of math. Logic and symbolic logic such as math are just ways in which humans use to interpret the world around us.

When we state that a=a, we don't do that because logic dictates it. We say it because the accumulation of observations have shown a = a. We use logic as a short hand to understand things we have observed thousands of times. It is universal, because something equaling itself, is independent of human observation. Just like in all cultures, 1 + 1 = 2. We don't need the hand of God to insure that a = a.

Also informal logic is just the study of arguments. Once again this is based on observation. We know that an Ad populum argument is a fallacy, because we can find cases were the majority have been wrong. Once again, these conclusions are universal. Again there is no need for the supernatural.

Athiest, Naturalist and or whatever you want to call them do limit themselves to saying that material events have material causes. It does not exclude interpeting said events using human constructs, such as logic. It just implies that the human constructs don't actually affect the physical world. Has logic ever moved a mountain?

Friday, October 19, 2007

The sky is falling. Dirty Commies

Fox News is the Chicken Little of conservative news. Tonight in Georgetown, there were protests against IMF. If you were to listen and watch the local fox news you would think that all hell is breaking lose. The “Chaos on the Street.” “Two groups of protesters, one peaceful and one violent.” , “IMF protest turns violent.”

To recap the whole story, the group of protesters marched in Georgetown. At one intersection, two windows were broken and a brick was thrown and unfortunately hit a woman. That’s it. A peaceful protest, but a couple of yahoos break a couple of windows, and a woman gets injured. The protest continued peacefully. When police officers decide to break up the protest, they did so peacefully.

But the Fox reporter kept talking about the violence and the chaos. It was unreal. At one point in time, the reporter was talking about how the protesters were taking advantage of the police, and on the bottom of the screen there was the words “Chaos on the Street.” But the live video was of a bunch of cops standing around. Not one protester was in the picture. Not one of the cops in the picture looked threatened. They were just milling around, doing nothing and looking all bored. They were cops in desperate need of donuts. It was so violent there that "Dozens of tourists are hanging out in the area, watching the workers board up store windows and asking when the protesters will arrive."

Oh well, I wonder, if the true violence was perpetrated by one of the 150 lesbian gangs in the D.C. area.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

There was a very good reason why I had to stab the nun.

I love George W. Bush. I really love him. He amazes me every time. I love low expectations. And, Baby, does he deliver. However, as sub par as he is in nearly every field, there is a field that he excels in -- being a hypocritical asshole. Every time I think the chimp-in-chief can't do anything more assholish, he surprises me yet again. This time he vetoed "The Support for Injured Servicemembers Act" and "The Military Family Job Protection Act." This comes from a man who thinks that name calling a four star general hurts the moral of the troops. Well, I know you can kiss your job good-bye as I extend you're stay in Iraq by three months. But look on the bright side, we got them good for calling general Petraeus names.

When I saw that he vetoed both bills, all I could say was "What an asshole! I don't think he can out do himself now!"

Oh, boy was I wrong. You see the real reason he vetoed the bill was no because he hates the troops. It wasn't because he just felt like being a dick. He vetoed the bill because it contained health insurance for poor children. That right, the commander and chief spit on the troops, just so that he could shit on the children. Next we'll catch him jacking off in the apple pie.

Evilution: Mr. President, why did you stab the nun in the back?

Mr. President: That's simplified answer, I had gots too.

Evilution: Huh?!! Why did you have too stab the nun?!

Mr. President: Well she was protectifying the orphan I want to shot in the face!

Evilution: That's the most evil thing I've ever heard of.

Mr. President (Eying a child holding a lollipop in a stroller): Look, a childrens with a lollipop!

Evilution: Don't tell me you're going to steal that baby's candy.

Mr. President: No, no, stealing are unmoral. I'm going to push the stroller down that hill over yonder. If the baby happens to drops the lolli then so be it.

Evilution: Jesus Chirst!! You're insane.

Mr. President (Angry):How dare you take the name of the lord in vain. You unmoral atheist. You must really hate the troops and America.

At this point the Evilutionist turns around and looks back at his once great country and turns into a pillar of salt.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Minor corrections free of charge.

The preceding is found at This web page was created by a poor non-profit organization. It is sad to say that so much of their resources have gone into save and winning souls, that they lack the funding to hire a proof reader. I know how hard it is working at a non-profit, so I’ll do the nice atheist thing and correct their errs for free.


What Does the Fossil Record Actually Reflect?

  • Abrupt appearance of almost all classes of plants and animals known to have existed. (Cambrian Explosion)
    "The paleontological data is consistent with the view that all of the currently recognized phyla had evolved by about 525 million years ago. Despite half a billion years of evolutionary exploration generated in Cambrian time, no new phylum level designs have appeared since then."
    "Developmental Evolution of Metazoan Body plans: The Fossil Evidence," Valentine, Erwin, and Jablonski, Developmental Biology 173, Article No. 0033, 1996, p. 376
  • Stasis, or lack of any substantial change.
    “Stasis is now abundantly well documented as the preeminent paleontological pattern in the evolutionary history of species.”
    Dr. Niles Eldredge, Evolutionist and Curator-in-Chief of the permanent exhibition “Hall of Biodiversity” at the American Museum of Natural History, ‘Reinventing Darwin: The Great Evolutionary Debate’ Weidenfeld and Nicolson 1995, p.77
  • Fossils are always found fully formed, having no partially formed features.
    “Most of the animal phyla that are represented in the fossil record first appear, ‘fully formed,’ in the Cambrian some 550 million years ago...The fossil record is therefore of no help with respect to the origin and early diversification of the various animal phyla."
    Richard S K Barnes, Peter Calow, Peter J. W. Olive, David W. Golding and John Spicer, ‘The Invertebrates: A New Synthesis’ (textbook), Updated 2000, Blackwell Publishing


What Does the Fossil Record Actually Reflect?

  • While the first fossils of 11 of the 32 phyla are found in the Cambrian, no modern species date back that far. Several phyla predate the Cambrian. The rest of the phyla either post-date the Cambrian (Bryozoa) or have poor fossil records. There are no known plants from the Cambrian era.
  • The fossil record shows a variety of rates in change of morphology. There are cases of slow but nearly constant change, cases were the change is rapid and uneven, as well as cases where there is relative is stasis. However there is not a single group that has remained exactly the same over any period of time.
  • There are numerous translational characteristics present in the fossil record. Traits that have intermediate fossils include whale fins, bird wings, and mammal ears bone
There, the list is now accurate, as well as providing easy to understand references. All done free of charge. But I wonder if my donation of time, is tax deductible.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Eagle and Tadpole Show.

The cast

Eagle: An all American Eagle, who not only shits red, white and blue, but shit red, white and blue on terrorist heads. Also has an impressive jaw line and well groomed hair.

Tadpole: Despite being a chordate and a tertapod, he lacks both a backbone and a jaw line.

Evilutionist: Angry. Just plain Angry.

Pat Robinson: squinty, very squinty.

Eagle: Welcome today's Eagle and tadpole show. Morality, why do only Christians have it, and others don't? Today we are going to ask a few questions of our guest to find out why evilutionist want to destroy America? I'll have my co-host ask a few basic questions to our guests about morality. I would ask the questions myself, but that is too close to the liberal demigod of journalism

Tadpole: Have you ever been friends with a dictator in the past?

Pat Robinsin: Well, there was that incident with Mobutu Sese Seko. But who knew he was responsible for the destruction of the stability of Zaire. If I had known about the death squads then, I deferentially would have reconsidered. But to my defense he had a really cool jet and treated me like a king when I visited. And he had diamonds, really shiny diamonds.

The Evilutionist: No.

Pat Robinson: Oh and there was Jorge Serrano. But just because he had women and children burned to death doesn't make him that bad. I mean they were catholic. They going to hell anyways. The sooner they get used to the burning the better. Oh the was that incident, when I went baby seal clubbing with King Zarkon? Oh did the misses enjoy the new fur coat, and I can't say I didn't mind the fur lined underwear.

The tadpole: Evilutionist, do you have anything to add?

The evilutionist (Busying gouging his eyes out trying to rid his mind of the image of the fur lined tighty whities): That's still a no for me.

The tadpole: Let's move on. Have you ever on national television called for the US government to execute a head of state.

Pat Robinson: Yes, but it was a South American country. Telling the US to knock of the head of a latino country is like telling a fish to swim.

Evilutionist: No.

Pat Robinson: Oh, and I tried to kill Nelson Mandela.

Evilutionist: Why?!

Pat Robinson: I don't know.... I just thought God was telling me to kill him. God works in mysterious ways.

The tadpole: Do you run an organization that solicits the elderly into giving money with the promise of some future blessing?

Pat Robinson: Those are harsh words. We don't solicit anyone. I simply go on national television and pray to God that all of the good Christian will send us lots of money, and to punish the wicked sinners that don't send any money. If God moves the elderly's hearts into giving us the their life savings that just the will of God. If it ruins them financially, and forces them to sell the house and live on the streets, that's not our responsibility. God moved them to give, not us. It's God's responsibly to feed and shelter them then. And who's to say that when God fails to feed or shelter them that is some how a moral failing. God works in mysterious ways.

Evilutionist: Just one second. Now you're telling me that it's okay to let the elderly sleep on the streets because it is God's will?

Pat Robinson: Well I do pray for them. Look. I prayed for them to send money and they did. That is clear proof that God wanted me to have this money. I prayed for them to have a home and health care. They don't. That is clear proof that God wants it this way. For me to interfer and use their money that they sent me to help them in their time of need would be to go directly against God's will. And how immoral can you get?

Evilutionist: I don't know, maybe you can kill baby seals with the rule of planet doom?

Eagle: Well this question and answer portion has really been informative. (To Evilutionist) I can not believe how immoral you are. Why do you hate America so?

At this point, God works in a mysterious ways and bends the laws of physics. A miniature black hole is formed within the evilutionist and in a flash he collapse upon himself.

Eagle: Well this is the end of our show. Come back tomorrow, when we ask "What calliber hand gun would Jesus have carried?"

Athiest will steal your babies.

This wonderful piece was written by John Terry in the Northwest Arkansas Times

The third danger lies in what kind of person the atheist may become when he becomes his own god. If he does not recognize God, he may not recognize any of the restraints that a belief in God generates. Thus, without restraint, he may become a pedophile, a murderer, a thief, or any other kind of a deviant you can think of. Or he might just become one who lives inward, with no concern for the people or things around him. There are tragic examples of such people.
This is a typical Christian argument. An atheist doesn't believe in God. God is Good. Therefor, an atheist doesn't believe in good and is going to rape children. Atheist are a bunch of immoral bastards. Don't let them near the women, children or small animals.

It is a load of crap. Of course Christian priests would never molest children. Evangelicals would never smoke Meth and then other men sodomized. (It's not gay if your on top.) Televangelist would never use Jesus's name to con the gullible out of their life savings. And of course, I doubt that one could find a single example in human history were the belief in God was used to justify murder.

Here a list of tragic examples of pulled from a book of tragic examples.

Pedophilia- Lot. He might have been drunk when he slept with his daughter, but he was somber when he offered both of his daughters to be raped by the mob.

Thief - Jacob. He stole his brother's birthright and his brother's blessing and was blessed by God.

Murder - God. Not only does He order the wholesale destruction of numerous citys and states, he personally kills numerous people. If the bible is true then God killed everyone in Sodom and Gomorrah, as well as every but Noah and his boys in the flood story. There are at least three examples in the bible were it gives the names of the people God kills. In Leviticus 10:1-6, God kills Nadab and Abihu, and Uzzah in Samuel II 6:7. What were there sins? Rape? no. Murder? No. Pedophilia? No. Nadab and Adihu simply offered God a offering when they weren't supposed to, and Uzzah just touch the ark.

Oh well. The atheist doesn't believe in God. God a murderer. Therefor the athiest doesn't believe in murder.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

White House.

Once ever four years, we as America are blessed with the duties of freedom. We get to crown our king. Usually, it results in nothing more than culling the weakest sheep. Just think about it. Remember Bush vs Dukakis ? That wasn't a presidential race; that was a contest to see who could be the night manager at Wendy's. But this year is different. There is a an incredibly diverse group of well qualified candidates. With the inclusion of such candidates like senators Obama and Clinton, I began to think. Is America read for a white heterosexual Christian man president?

This would truly be a first. America has never had a white heterosexual christian president. Although some of the greatest president were close. George Washington may not have been a Christian, but he was certainly a deitist. Lincoln was white and Chirstian, but have you taken a good look at Mary Todd. Lincoln wore two beards. FDR appeared as a white heterosexual Christian male, but he was crippled so he doesn't count. Don't look at me, those are God's rules.
Reagan also was white Christian heterosexual, too bad Nancy, and not Ron, was president.

Even thou history is against me on this one I do believe that America is ready for a white Christian Heterosexual male as president. Although, I don't think this will be the year. On the Democrat side, you have Obama (not white), Clinton (not male), Edwards (well, I refer you to Ann Coulter's comments) and Richards (not white). For the republicans, you have Romney (not Christian), McCain (He's not really running for president. He's just old and delusional, and no one around him has the heart to tell him otherwise.), Giuliani (well,...). We are left with Brownback and Huckabee. Well, if Obama is too Osama, then Brownback is to close to Wetback, and well that isn't white. Leaving us with only Huckabee. Which is good, because who does want a leader who's not afraid to stand up and lead us back into the 18th century. (Damn it, America was really good back then.)

With any luck, enough voters will be wasted on Nov 1, and go to the pulls smashed. With any luck they will pull the Huckabee lever, mistaking thinking they are voting for that lovable dog, Huckleberry Hound. And what a miracle it would be.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I am not sure if sticking my head in the microwave is a bad idea.

The dumbest thing ever said on television.

While watching the link above, I began to wondering whether or not to stick my head in the microwave. I ran to my good Book and started reading it. I mean it has to have all the answer. But low and behold, there were no passages about microwave ovens. I know what some of you are saying, but the Israelis didn't have electricity. This is besides the point. The bible is the word of God. God is omnipotent and all knowing. He knew from the beginning of time that one day there would be microwaves. So I am stumped at why he failed to included such an amazing invention.

God tells us in minute detail what to do and not to do. I not I am not supposed to sit in the same a chair that a woman whose having her period has sat in. (Leviticus 15:19). I know if a married woman gets raped in the city, I'm supposed to stone her (Deuteronomy 22:24)
And I know if I come across a fig tree does have figs, I'm supposed to kill it. It doesn't matter if it is fig season or not. (Mark 11:12-14 and Matthew 21:19).

But nowhere in the bible does it tell me whether I am supposed to stick my head in the microwave or not. Either God has dropped the ball and forgot to warn me not to stick my head in the microwave, or it can not be that bad. Since God is all-knowing and all-seeing and perfect in every way, it can't possibly be choice number one. So it must be choice number two. God says I can throw mountains into the sea, if I have a enough faith. (Mark 11:21-22). Jesus once calmed giant waves (John 6:19-20), so that I am sure if I ask him to stop those itty bitty microwaves he can. They are "micro" after all.

So I guess it's off to the kitchen to stick my head in the microwave to prove that I love Jesus. And I want to thank Sherri Shepherd again for saying something so incredibly stupid that I really want to shove my head in a microwave. Come on, you're at least thirty years old and you never see a fucking globe? You honestly did not know the earth was round?! You wanted 2 million dollars to be on the show! Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! If you only had a brain.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Why Creationist fail basic biology.

6. Some creatures, like the honey bee, just can't be accounted for by the theory of natural selection, since the honey bees themselves don't pass on genetic information.

Sorry, bees do pass genetic information. Like all cellular-based life, bees use DNA.

What I think they meant by this is that worker bees don't pass on genetic information, because they themselves have no offspring. However, by helping their sisters or mothers produce more offspring, and by helping that the colony as a whole survives, worker bees help insure that their genes are passed down to the next generation. A colony of a 100 bees, of which 99 are workers, will produce more young that reach a reproductive age, than a hundred individual bees trying to raise their own young. Also while larger colonies have less offspring per individual, it is important to remember that the larger colonies are less likely to fail due to predation.
Evolution helps us understand the dynamics of eusocial behavior, by understanding the cost and benefits.

Then again, I could be wrong and God went poof. Tada - the honey bee. Then did it again six more times for all of the honey bees in the genus Apis. Then went "tada" around 30000 more times, for the rest of the bees. I think God got lazy sometime after the genus Bombus, because he started to make more solitary bees the eusocial. He was also kind of a jerk, because he made some of the bees cleptoparsites on other bees. So much for the whole "Thou shalt not steal." God must have gotten into the wine, he was making the Halictids. Some Eusocial, some solitary, some both. Personally, I think God would have got bored sometime in between Promelitta alboclypeata and Haplomelitta ogiliviei. But heck, If God is willing to make 500000 different types of weevils, then 30000 different bees should be no problem. I guess creationism makes sense when you stop thinking about it.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Part V.

Creationist 1: Did you know that evolution is the root of all evils? It is the sole cause of communism, socialism, fascism, authoritianism, Nazisism, Anarchism, oligarchism, Hinduism, Naturalism, Humanism, Transcendentalism, New-Agism, Drug-usism, Cronyism, Pronographism, and Bestialitism.

Evilutionist: Damn you fool!! You have discovered the hundred and fifty year plot, to make beastiality legal through informed debate over the fossil record!

Creationist 1: I knew this day would come.

Evilutionist: *Horns sprout, and his eyes become as red as blood. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a baby and bites its head off.*

Creationist 1: Removes his masks, and reveals his true identity: Charleton Heston. "Now, I'll send you hell spawn back to the Godless planet of the ape-men that I, Moses, so heroically escaped from!"

Evilutionist: (Hissing with a snakes tongue) "You'll never stop me and my Anti-American-Apple-Pie-Pro-Sodomy-new-age-ism agenda!"

Chaleton Heston: Pulls out a loaded .44 bible. "See you in hell..... from Heaven." Then blows away the evilutionist, unicorn and the Pillsbury doughboy straight to hell, the moron

Part IV

Evilutionist: "Can you give me one example were you think evolutionists are lying to you?"

Black Kirk Cameron: "Do you believe that lying is wrong? Do you believe that killing is wrong? Do you believe in the bible?"

Evilutionist: "What I believe about lying is irrelevant to the topic. I'm saying that creationism and this museum are spreading false information. Again, I'll ask you: What specifically about evolution do you believe is factually incorrect."

Black Kirk Cameron: "I don't come from a monkey!"

Evilutionist: "Well, that's correct. You're an ape. You have no tail, and you've got fingernails, and nipples on your chest. And evolution says you evolved from a common ancestor, not from modern primates. That's why you share these traits with other apes. So what facts can you use to support creationism?"

Black Kirk Cameron: "I’m done talking about that. Do you believe lying is wrong?"

*Evilutionist picks up tiny model dinosaurs and calmly grinds out his own eyes.*

Black Kirk Cameron: "Where do you think you'll go when you die, heaven or hell?"

Part III. This part takes place in the middle of a conversation about, well I don't know what it was about. The conversation never stayed on a single topic for more than two sentences.

Evilutionist: Creationism goes against everything we know about how the physi......

Ignorant: Well our very existence breaks the laws of physics. How can the neutrons of the atom be held together if opposite charges repel each other?

Evilutionist: It's called the strong atomic force. It's one of the fundamental forces in the.......

Black Kirk Cameron: Do you believe that lying and killing are wrong? All societies believe that.

Evilutionist's girl friend: I believe that justifying ones faith by.......

Ignorant: Our atoms should just be flying apart! Science can't explain it. Science claims to have the answers, but these are all just theisms. They have no proof.

Evilutionist: The strong atomic force holds the atom together. It along with the electromagnetic force, weak atomic force and gravity are the four.........

Ignorant: Well those are just theories. They put human feet on a monkey.

Evilutionist: "Let me explain how using evolution based theories one can reconstruct.....

Black Kirk Cameron: "Do you believe that Jesus walked on water, or turned water into wine?"

Evilutionist's girl friend: "Those would be miracles--a supernatural manifestation of God! Any attempt at scientifically explaining that would be inherently wrong. But that is what creationism is attempting to........."

Ignorant: "Cambrian explosion. Science can't explain the Cambrian explosion!"

Evilutionist: "Well, let’s talk about the Cambrian explosion then, and why the creationist account .....

Ignorant: "Evolution is the foundation of Nazism and Communism."

(At this point the evilutionist simply catches on fire.)

Ignorant: (To Evilutionist's girlfriend about the now burning evilutionist) "He seems jumpy and condescending."

Evilutionist's girl friend: "Well, you never let him finish a sent......"

Ignorant:"Evolution is just another religion. We didn't come from rocks."

Again, by the power vested in the Pillsbury Doughboy and his trusty unicorn, Rainbow, the evilutionist is saved, and is even more of a golden toasted color.

Part II.

Creationist 1: "Evolutionist will mislead you and say that dinosaurs died out billions of years before our great-great-grandfather descended from the trees. But this is a lie. We know dinosaurs and people lived together. It’s in the bible. It’s as clear as day"

Evilutionist looks out the window and sees a fog approaching.

Creationist 1: "There are two places in the bible where dinosaurs are described. And they are described in such detail that it is self evident that the authors look on them with their own eyes.”

Evilutionist: Ok, this should be interesting.

A dull pounding sensation starts in the head of the Evilutionist.

Creationist 1: In the Book of Job, God describes a monstrous creature called a behemoth. Just listen to it:

(Puffing out his chest to make his voice sound deeper.) Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox. Lo now, his strength in his loins, and his force in the navel of his belly. He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his thighs are wrapped together. His bones strong pieces of brass; his bones like bars of iron. He the chief of the ways of God: he that made him can make his sword to approach. Surely the mountains bring him forth food, where all the beasts of the field play. He lieth under the shady trees, in the covert of the reed, and fens. The shady trees cover him their shadow; the willows of the brook compass him about. Behold, he drinketh up a river, hasteth not: he trusteth that he can draw up Jordan into his mouth. He taketh it with his eyes: nose pierceth through snares

The audience is looking at him with wide eyes and nodding like perfect little sheep.

Evilutionist: Where’s the description? How tall? How wide? What color? What did the wrist bones look like? What was the hip-structure like?!

The pounding sensation in the evolutionist head grows.

Creationist 1: What other creature could this have been? Now silly evolutionist would say that the behemonth was nothing more than a elephant or a hippo. Have you seen a elephant with a cedar like tail. And the tail of a hippo is short and that is a scientific fact.

Creationist 2: A scientific fact? Will that proves it.

Evilutionist: Confused. Dinosaurs didn’t have brass bones. They didn’t have navels!! Too much bullshit too fast, yet no facts given to support claims. Must try to refute claims, but can not correct facts if no facts are given!

The pounding grows strong and strong.

Creationist 1: There are other sources. Ancient people knew about dinosaurs, but they didn’t call them dinosaurs. After all the word dinosaur was invent in 1830. Before then people just called the dragons.

Evilutionist: (Starting to shake) Too much. Listening to this is making me dumber. It's like a secret weapon.

Creationist 1: "There was on old king, Beowulf. He was a real man. He became famous for killing dragons, until one killed him at the ripe old age of 80."

Evilutionist: Ahhhhh!!! He's using folk-lore and myths as scientific support! It so wrong, I don't know where to begin! My brain hurts. I think it’s starting to bleed.

Creationist 1: "People believe that there are some dinosaurs alive today. In Africa, the pygmies have a creature they call mok-ele-mbembe. This creature has a cedar-like tail. It’s large than an elephant. It has a long neck, eats plants and lives sometimes in the water. Exactly like what scientist think Brontosaurs would look like."

Evilutionist 1: What? He's using his ultimate secret weapon! A fake myth made up by a German explorer at the turn of the century, based on old information now known to be false. Sauropods aren't aquatic!!!!! Brontosaurs is North American, not African. Brontosaurs isn’t even the right name. The Congo is a well studied ecosystem. Must shut down logic centers and higher brain functions.

Creationist 1: "Pygmy children tell stories of their friends being hit my mok-ele-mbembe's tail and being smashed. Watch out for his cedar-like tail (Swooshing sound, followed by squishing sound.)

Evilutionist: (On the floor convulsing. Possibly swallowing his own tongue.)

Creationist 1: "And dinosaurs breathed fire."

Evilutionist: (Head explodes.)

Luckily a unicorn and the Pillsbury Doughboy used their black magic to bring the evilutionist back to life, and give him a golden toasted color.

These following posts are short plays based on a visit to ICR museum. Some of this is true. Most of it is a lie. However can you guess which is which.


Creationist 1: The tour guide. Middle aged and balding.
Creationist 2: Heavy set middle aged woman. White, so very white.
Creationist 3: To protect the innocent I will not use his real name, so I will just call him by a randomly selected codeword: "Ignorant." (For a physical description of him, just find your nearest Abercrombie and Fitch catalog and turn to the idiot page.)
Creationist 4: The only accurate description I can give is an African American version Kirk Cameron.

Evilutionist: Tall (relative), hairy dwarf who hasn't slept well in a month, who also happens to have a very fine ass. But recently informed that he has hobbit feet. Evilutionist's Girl Friend: Hot.

Part I

Creationist 1: "You know up in Montana they found a discovery that blows evolution clear out of the water. There was this Tyrannosaurus...... one of the largest found today. But there was nothing too exciting about it until they cracked open one of the leg bones. Guess what they found?"

Evilutionist (thought): Jesus?

Creationist 1: "They found soft flexible tissue, fresh blood so to say. These bones just litter the ground on the North slope in Alaska. When the godless evolutions cracked the bone and it started to bleed. Now, it doesn't take a genius to realize that this bone couldn't have been millions of years old. I mean how can a bone billions and billions of years old still have fresh blood?”

Evilutionist: “Do you have any proof that of this fresh blood?”

Creationist 1: “This made the CNN and all the other big media, before the evolutionists covered it up. There even were a couple of papers published about the blood. But those godless atheist are not going to talked about it. ‘Cause they know that this evidence supports creation and not the millions and billions of years of evolution. This is some of the best evidence that exists for a global flood and rapid burial.”

Evilutionist: "I have a question. Did you read the paper? The authors state that in no way did they find fresh blood. They found fossil traces of fossilized remnants of what appears to be veins and blood cells."

Creationist 1: "I'm not going to get nit-picky."

Evilutionist: "But they didn't find fresh blood."

Creationist 1: "This isn't a debate forum. I could spend hours explaining where you are wrong."

Creationist 2 (Given the evilutionist an evil eye): "None of us are scientists. We just came here to learn, so stop asking questions."

Evilutionist: "But they didn't find fresh blood, or soft tissues!"

Creationist 1: “I don’t need to go into specifics here. I just need to tell you that you are wrong.”

Evilutionist: “But your entire case is built on evidence that doesn’t exists.”

Creationist 1: “Wither or not the fresh dinosaur blood exists is besides the point. What really matters is do you love Jesus, and hate the devil, or do you love the devil and believe we are monkey people?”

Evilutionist: "But they didn't find fresh blood, or soft tissues!"

Creationist 1: *sigh* "I'll give you that. But it still is some of the best evidence for creation science we have.