Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I am not sure if sticking my head in the microwave is a bad idea.

The dumbest thing ever said on television.

While watching the link above, I began to wondering whether or not to stick my head in the microwave. I ran to my good Book and started reading it. I mean it has to have all the answer. But low and behold, there were no passages about microwave ovens. I know what some of you are saying, but the Israelis didn't have electricity. This is besides the point. The bible is the word of God. God is omnipotent and all knowing. He knew from the beginning of time that one day there would be microwaves. So I am stumped at why he failed to included such an amazing invention.

God tells us in minute detail what to do and not to do. I not I am not supposed to sit in the same a chair that a woman whose having her period has sat in. (Leviticus 15:19). I know if a married woman gets raped in the city, I'm supposed to stone her (Deuteronomy 22:24)
And I know if I come across a fig tree does have figs, I'm supposed to kill it. It doesn't matter if it is fig season or not. (Mark 11:12-14 and Matthew 21:19).

But nowhere in the bible does it tell me whether I am supposed to stick my head in the microwave or not. Either God has dropped the ball and forgot to warn me not to stick my head in the microwave, or it can not be that bad. Since God is all-knowing and all-seeing and perfect in every way, it can't possibly be choice number one. So it must be choice number two. God says I can throw mountains into the sea, if I have a enough faith. (Mark 11:21-22). Jesus once calmed giant waves (John 6:19-20), so that I am sure if I ask him to stop those itty bitty microwaves he can. They are "micro" after all.

So I guess it's off to the kitchen to stick my head in the microwave to prove that I love Jesus. And I want to thank Sherri Shepherd again for saying something so incredibly stupid that I really want to shove my head in a microwave. Come on, you're at least thirty years old and you never see a fucking globe? You honestly did not know the earth was round?! You wanted 2 million dollars to be on the show! Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! If you only had a brain.

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