Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Eagle and Tadpole Show.

The cast

Eagle: An all American Eagle, who not only shits red, white and blue, but shit red, white and blue on terrorist heads. Also has an impressive jaw line and well groomed hair.

Tadpole: Despite being a chordate and a tertapod, he lacks both a backbone and a jaw line.

Evilutionist: Angry. Just plain Angry.

Pat Robinson: squinty, very squinty.

Eagle: Welcome today's Eagle and tadpole show. Morality, why do only Christians have it, and others don't? Today we are going to ask a few questions of our guest to find out why evilutionist want to destroy America? I'll have my co-host ask a few basic questions to our guests about morality. I would ask the questions myself, but that is too close to the liberal demigod of journalism

Tadpole: Have you ever been friends with a dictator in the past?

Pat Robinsin: Well, there was that incident with Mobutu Sese Seko. But who knew he was responsible for the destruction of the stability of Zaire. If I had known about the death squads then, I deferentially would have reconsidered. But to my defense he had a really cool jet and treated me like a king when I visited. And he had diamonds, really shiny diamonds.

The Evilutionist: No.

Pat Robinson: Oh and there was Jorge Serrano. But just because he had women and children burned to death doesn't make him that bad. I mean they were catholic. They going to hell anyways. The sooner they get used to the burning the better. Oh the was that incident, when I went baby seal clubbing with King Zarkon? Oh did the misses enjoy the new fur coat, and I can't say I didn't mind the fur lined underwear.

The tadpole: Evilutionist, do you have anything to add?

The evilutionist (Busying gouging his eyes out trying to rid his mind of the image of the fur lined tighty whities): That's still a no for me.

The tadpole: Let's move on. Have you ever on national television called for the US government to execute a head of state.

Pat Robinson: Yes, but it was a South American country. Telling the US to knock of the head of a latino country is like telling a fish to swim.

Evilutionist: No.

Pat Robinson: Oh, and I tried to kill Nelson Mandela.

Evilutionist: Why?!

Pat Robinson: I don't know.... I just thought God was telling me to kill him. God works in mysterious ways.

The tadpole: Do you run an organization that solicits the elderly into giving money with the promise of some future blessing?

Pat Robinson: Those are harsh words. We don't solicit anyone. I simply go on national television and pray to God that all of the good Christian will send us lots of money, and to punish the wicked sinners that don't send any money. If God moves the elderly's hearts into giving us the their life savings that just the will of God. If it ruins them financially, and forces them to sell the house and live on the streets, that's not our responsibility. God moved them to give, not us. It's God's responsibly to feed and shelter them then. And who's to say that when God fails to feed or shelter them that is some how a moral failing. God works in mysterious ways.

Evilutionist: Just one second. Now you're telling me that it's okay to let the elderly sleep on the streets because it is God's will?

Pat Robinson: Well I do pray for them. Look. I prayed for them to send money and they did. That is clear proof that God wanted me to have this money. I prayed for them to have a home and health care. They don't. That is clear proof that God wants it this way. For me to interfer and use their money that they sent me to help them in their time of need would be to go directly against God's will. And how immoral can you get?

Evilutionist: I don't know, maybe you can kill baby seals with the rule of planet doom?

Eagle: Well this question and answer portion has really been informative. (To Evilutionist) I can not believe how immoral you are. Why do you hate America so?

At this point, God works in a mysterious ways and bends the laws of physics. A miniature black hole is formed within the evilutionist and in a flash he collapse upon himself.

Eagle: Well this is the end of our show. Come back tomorrow, when we ask "What calliber hand gun would Jesus have carried?"

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