Sunday, September 2, 2007

Part II.

Creationist 1: "Evolutionist will mislead you and say that dinosaurs died out billions of years before our great-great-grandfather descended from the trees. But this is a lie. We know dinosaurs and people lived together. It’s in the bible. It’s as clear as day"

Evilutionist looks out the window and sees a fog approaching.

Creationist 1: "There are two places in the bible where dinosaurs are described. And they are described in such detail that it is self evident that the authors look on them with their own eyes.”

Evilutionist: Ok, this should be interesting.

A dull pounding sensation starts in the head of the Evilutionist.

Creationist 1: In the Book of Job, God describes a monstrous creature called a behemoth. Just listen to it:

(Puffing out his chest to make his voice sound deeper.) Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox. Lo now, his strength in his loins, and his force in the navel of his belly. He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his thighs are wrapped together. His bones strong pieces of brass; his bones like bars of iron. He the chief of the ways of God: he that made him can make his sword to approach. Surely the mountains bring him forth food, where all the beasts of the field play. He lieth under the shady trees, in the covert of the reed, and fens. The shady trees cover him their shadow; the willows of the brook compass him about. Behold, he drinketh up a river, hasteth not: he trusteth that he can draw up Jordan into his mouth. He taketh it with his eyes: nose pierceth through snares

The audience is looking at him with wide eyes and nodding like perfect little sheep.

Evilutionist: Where’s the description? How tall? How wide? What color? What did the wrist bones look like? What was the hip-structure like?!

The pounding sensation in the evolutionist head grows.

Creationist 1: What other creature could this have been? Now silly evolutionist would say that the behemonth was nothing more than a elephant or a hippo. Have you seen a elephant with a cedar like tail. And the tail of a hippo is short and that is a scientific fact.

Creationist 2: A scientific fact? Will that proves it.

Evilutionist: Confused. Dinosaurs didn’t have brass bones. They didn’t have navels!! Too much bullshit too fast, yet no facts given to support claims. Must try to refute claims, but can not correct facts if no facts are given!

The pounding grows strong and strong.

Creationist 1: There are other sources. Ancient people knew about dinosaurs, but they didn’t call them dinosaurs. After all the word dinosaur was invent in 1830. Before then people just called the dragons.

Evilutionist: (Starting to shake) Too much. Listening to this is making me dumber. It's like a secret weapon.

Creationist 1: "There was on old king, Beowulf. He was a real man. He became famous for killing dragons, until one killed him at the ripe old age of 80."

Evilutionist: Ahhhhh!!! He's using folk-lore and myths as scientific support! It so wrong, I don't know where to begin! My brain hurts. I think it’s starting to bleed.

Creationist 1: "People believe that there are some dinosaurs alive today. In Africa, the pygmies have a creature they call mok-ele-mbembe. This creature has a cedar-like tail. It’s large than an elephant. It has a long neck, eats plants and lives sometimes in the water. Exactly like what scientist think Brontosaurs would look like."

Evilutionist 1: What? He's using his ultimate secret weapon! A fake myth made up by a German explorer at the turn of the century, based on old information now known to be false. Sauropods aren't aquatic!!!!! Brontosaurs is North American, not African. Brontosaurs isn’t even the right name. The Congo is a well studied ecosystem. Must shut down logic centers and higher brain functions.

Creationist 1: "Pygmy children tell stories of their friends being hit my mok-ele-mbembe's tail and being smashed. Watch out for his cedar-like tail (Swooshing sound, followed by squishing sound.)

Evilutionist: (On the floor convulsing. Possibly swallowing his own tongue.)

Creationist 1: "And dinosaurs breathed fire."

Evilutionist: (Head explodes.)

Luckily a unicorn and the Pillsbury Doughboy used their black magic to bring the evilutionist back to life, and give him a golden toasted color.

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